Dirty Little Secret (the mistress who wants more)

I am his dirty little secret. As for every sex session, I keep it hidden back in the black corners of my mind.
Every time we talk it's well past late; whispering the rendezvous point for our next dirty date.
I wait for his lady to leave, let the phone ring once, then hang up; we hook up, go down, come up for air, I fix my hair and pretend not to care that he's not mine and in his world I do not exist.
I pretend that each secret kiss inches me closer to the granting of the wistful wish that I was more to him than just a piece of ass; more than the meek student in the back of his class with her hand raised toward outer space, silently pleading to replace the woman seen with him in public.
I long to be his lady; to spend more than sweaty hours between sheets with him.
To begin a conversation that has nothing to do with my thighs parting or me starting to cum.
When it's over I say to myself that I'm done.
I'll no longer be the one to give pieces of myself, to be an invisible notch on his belt; because I deserve more.
I am too wonderful to be muffled behind a closed door. Too great to pour myself until empty and leave no trace of me for true love to find.
But I remain blind to reason. Thoughts are merely unwritten treason, because I ignore my advice; scratch it away like hair lice.
I keep giving him coochie coupons that are valid in the wee hours of the night, because of the naive hope that one of them might get him to catch feelings, and we might become one instead of two; and I'd no longer do dirty deeds to appease dirty needs; you see the skeleton we've constructed is in my closet and I don't want to keep it.
I don't want to be his dirty little secret.