Got my wisdom tooth pulled today...the one on the bottom...far left side of jaw.
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Chivalry is DEAD!
Found out today that someone shot Chivalry with a desert eagle, slit his throat and then left him drowning in a puddle of his own blood...
Sure I've brushed off many subtle clues as to his death in the past...You know, a "failed hold the door for a lady" here; and a "take my seat on the crowded subway,obviously old as dirt woman" there, but I shook those things off. I thought maybe Chivalry was taking a sick day; but he certainly couldn't be dead.
WRONG!!! He is as dead as Ma$e's rap career. Let me tell you how it became apparent to me...
Today I saw a man shove a pregnant woman so hard that she stumbled; just so that he could get inside of the doors to the Chase bank first... As I was helping the woman get her balance, the same man managed to step on my foot, and did not say "sorry" or anything on his mad dash to the teller...Upon finding out that the window he was headed toward was closed, the man then proceeded to hurry past and get in front of an elderly man using a walker. The old guy was slowly but surely making his way to the next available window, but he never stood a chance.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Chivalry is dead.
Sure I've brushed off many subtle clues as to his death in the past...You know, a "failed hold the door for a lady" here; and a "take my seat on the crowded subway,obviously old as dirt woman" there, but I shook those things off. I thought maybe Chivalry was taking a sick day; but he certainly couldn't be dead.
WRONG!!! He is as dead as Ma$e's rap career. Let me tell you how it became apparent to me...
Today I saw a man shove a pregnant woman so hard that she stumbled; just so that he could get inside of the doors to the Chase bank first... As I was helping the woman get her balance, the same man managed to step on my foot, and did not say "sorry" or anything on his mad dash to the teller...Upon finding out that the window he was headed toward was closed, the man then proceeded to hurry past and get in front of an elderly man using a walker. The old guy was slowly but surely making his way to the next available window, but he never stood a chance.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Chivalry is dead.
Monday, September 8, 2008
UPDATE (What Should I do?)
So I caved. I told my friend about my brother...Guess what happened? This trick told me that I was lying and she thinks that I'm just jealous. She said that I had been "hating" on her hooking up with my brother before he even came to visit. (mind you she used a number of curse words and invectives while saying this to me) Can you imagine the look on my face when she was saying this? I ended up having to laugh; because that was all I could do to keep from slapping her pregnant ass! And I'm not a violent person. That just isn't me...Wasn't raised like that...Fighting is primitive and to my credit, I have never been in a physical altercation in all my days on this Earth and I don't plan to ever be...Anyway; after cursing me out, she told me that she was going to tell my brother the "joyous" news and that there was nothing that I could do about it. I said "I didn't tell you all of that in hopes that you would refrain from telling him, you little Jezebel! I told you so that you could brace yourself for his reaction, which I assure you will be derived from the things you don't know about his actual life!"
She wasn't trying to hear me though. It is always so funny to me when I try to warn these broads about my brother and they don't believe me because they think that I'm suffering from sort form of sibling rivalry. worse is when they think I'm telling them because I'm jealous of the fornication infested facade that they have going with him. To that I say "Oh fuckin' Please!" I could expostulate further but it's not worth it...Anyway I have washed my hands of the situation...Two tears in a bucket, fuck it, fuck her and four people who look like her!
She wasn't trying to hear me though. It is always so funny to me when I try to warn these broads about my brother and they don't believe me because they think that I'm suffering from sort form of sibling rivalry. worse is when they think I'm telling them because I'm jealous of the fornication infested facade that they have going with him. To that I say "Oh fuckin' Please!" I could expostulate further but it's not worth it...Anyway I have washed my hands of the situation...Two tears in a bucket, fuck it, fuck her and four people who look like her!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I'm Not Hungry Right Now.
You are food for my soul; but I’m not hungry right now.
My heart is full on your conversation and kisses.
Tired of your taste lingering on my tongue, tickling my sense.
It’s made me thirsty and you can’t quench this.
I’m craving a new, wet drink to wash you down with.
Today I won’t be coming back for seconds; even though your food is always hot.
I’ve got a hankering for a tall drink of water that will swim down my throat, splash in my stomach then course through my veins.
After while hunger pains may make me dizzy ‘cause you won’t be in me; but that’s okay because I want to miss you.
Want my mouth to water when I see or smell you. Don’t you miss the succulence of the first bite? The pleasure derived from pressure when I sink my teeth into you?
I used to swallow you; but now I just push you around on my plate.
Wrap you up. Once fresh, now cold leftovers.
I’m not hungry right now; but this doesn’t mean that I’ll never eat again.
Doesn’t mean that I’ll never take you into my mouth again or let you feel my taste buds on your texture.
You’ll always be my favorite because you’re so filling; but that’s what’s got me feeling full.
Lost my appetite.
Don’t want a bite or a morsel of you.
For now I’ve finished you.
Insatiable sweet tooth is ready for dessert.
Some sticky, sugary syrup that I can suck off my fingertips.
It’s got to be savory to get in me and make me forget that you are the first thing on my lips; going straight to my hips and thighs. Morning, noon and night, in proper portions all the time.
My personal I HOP; 24 hours, no wait in line.
Oh hell, maybe I’ll just eat you and drink him at the same time.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
What Should I Do?
What Should I Do? Okay here's the thing, I have an older brother. He's not that much older than I am. There is a yr and 9 month age difference between us. Because we are so close in age, we hang out a lot when I'm visiting the westcoast (he lives in LA)...In fact he and I have always been close. We went to the same schools for most of our lives and have a ton of mutual friends...Anyway my brother is what women consider to be fine, hot, attractive, charismatic, sexy, etc... (I don't see it lol) but anyway my closest girlfriends all have or have had a thing for him at some point or another and he has fucked ALL of them! As you can imagine, his rendevous with my friends have created some problems for me over the years. Anyway as the years progressed (he conquered/ had his fill of my girls) but when I moved to New York for college (and my girls went to other states to do the same) those types of problems subsided...Since then all has been well within my circle of friends....BUT last month my brother came to Brooklyn to pay me a visit...While he was here he met and had sex with another good friend of mine. I went to college/ shared a few classes with this particular female and I've come to value her place in my life over the past 4 1/2 yrs that I've known her...Anyway the problem is she got pregnant...My brother went back to LA...he doesn't know yet; and considering the fact that he is ENGAGED to a lovely young lady back in California AND he has a child with her!! I don't think he is going to want to know...Hell, I don't want to know what I know. My friend here in NY has no idea that my brother is in a relationship back in Cali. She is aware that he had a child but my brother mislead her...She thinks he is single. What should I do? I don't want to not be loyal to my brother by blowing up his spot; but at the same time I don't want my girlfriend to be in this situation blind; which she is at this point. My friend asked me not to tell my brother the news, as she wants to be the one to break it to him. She only told me because she wanted to know how I thought he'd react when she told him. (can you imagine what was running through my head?) This is such a mess there is no way that I'm going to come out of this without someone being upset with me; which is really fucked up because I'm not the one who was lying or cheating or having sex with anyone! I've always told my friends to stay away from my brother, to no avail...It was kind of funny and cute when we were younger, but now things are more serious. There are babies involved!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
What the hell?
This is random...But I thought I'd share...Okay I don't know why it is, but I am super jinxed when it comes to drive throughs/ fast food joints...I am sooo over it...And actually I prefer to cook; but like so many other working class Americans, I only have an hour lunch break while at work and most of the time I work through more than half of it, so I'm forced to rely on the pound packing fast food chains...Anyway I went to McDonalds and I ask the chick at the counter for a 20 piece Mcnugget meal...I know what you're thinking... (that I don't need 20 damn nuggets!) lol but I skipped breakfast and I knew that my firm would have me working late on this Bloomberg case so I was going hard; lol...okay so I asked her for it and she says: "We don't have the 20 piece. We only have the 10 piece."
WTF!? If you're not annoyed or perturbed by this, then you're as slow as the chick behind the counter. LOL.
WTF!? If you're not annoyed or perturbed by this, then you're as slow as the chick behind the counter. LOL.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Drive through.
Okay I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the most time consuming, annoying, suck the patience and tranquility from your soul, like a good vacuum sucks crumbs off of a rug, things is : PULLING UP TO A FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH WITH MY MOTHER!
I love my mom. I feel like I should type that right off the bat because of the nature of this blog entry and the height of my annoyance with her when I think about this topic may contort my language and emotions, causing you to think otherwise. Now, with that disclaimer out of the way let me tell you what happened…
I was out in LA. It was a beautiful afternoon. I was driving. My mom and I were coming from church….Okay I have to interrupt myself to insert this: You know that a person or situation has tested you and worked your last nerve when you’re so mad that you’re cursing like a sailor and pissed off to the highest point of ‘pissedivity’, if there is such a thing, after having left church no more than 20 minutes prior!.. Anyway back to what happened. Like I was saying we had just left church and I was feeling great. We were both crazy hungry though because, the church we attend seems like the service starts at 10am on Sunday morning and doesn’t let out until 2 o’clock the following Tuesday! Especially when the old folks choir is singing (which they were) because they make a simple hymn stretch like a tiny rubber band on a fat person’s wrist; and the pastor (bless his heart) can get really animated to say the least. But it’s a predominately Black church; so that’s just how it is and how it has always been. I’m not hating…I’m just saying. Lol…The things that I love about Sunday service at a Black church are also the things that get on my nerves about it some of the time. I wouldn’t trade the experience though…Anyway I’ve gotten off subject, let me get back…So me and my mom were hungry, but we had already started driving. We were on the 405 freeway… I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with this interstate, but bumper to bumper traffic on this particular slab of concrete is a given. The worst part about it is that I, for the life of me can’t figure out why other drivers speed up only to get in front of me and drive two miles per hour. I also hate the jerks who refuse to let me over when all I’m trying to do is get off the damn freeway; it’s like they want me to be stuck in the madness with them. They’re so hell-bent on not letting anyone get in front of them, even tough they're not going anywhere because traffic has been and will continue to move at a snail's pace, that they end up pissing me off enough not to let the next poor driver over. It's a vicious circle and I'm seriously starting to believe that the government hires these bad drivers just to make me mad or late or both; depending on the situation… Anyway we decided to get off the freeway and go to a drive through so that we could get something to eat and get back to the house quickly; fine that’s simple enough, right? WRONG! Because
my mom has no respect for combos! I mean the good people at McDonald’s created the numerically labeled combos for our convenience, not so that we could dissect them until they no longer resemble the original meal!!!
So we’re at the drive through…it took us forever to finally get to the intercom. There were about 5 cars ahead of us; probably being held up by some other indecisive patron who doesn’t respect combos….When we FINALLY got our turn, the employee says “Hold on!” Straight like that. No “Hi, welcome to McDonalds; can you please hold on a moment.” The heifer just said “Hold on.” And then when she was ready she says: “What you want?” RUDE!!! But anyway…
I said “I’d like a # 7 with a sprite please.” And then I looked over to my mom, asked her what she wanted and she goes “I don’t know yet.” She then proceeded to study the menu. At that point I was like “Oh my God am I being punked?!” I mean there are 2 huge reasons why my mom should have already known what she wanted to order.
#1: It’s freaking McDonalds! Everyone in the free world pretty much knows the menu by heart. It hasn’t changed much in 20 some odd years… Everything on the menu pretty much tastes the same anyway so in hindsight it doesn’t even matter what you order.
#2: There was a long line of cars ahead of us. She had ample time to decide what she wanted before we pulled up.
After a 2 minute time lapse my mom said that she wanted a #5 Sounds simple, right? WRONG! Because she proceeded to make absurd changes to the combo. This is what she said:
“Give me a #5 but can you put it on the bread that the #7 is on? And I want the mayonnaise on the side; no lettuce…Wait I do want lettuce but only a little bit and extra pickles.” Then the employee says something along the lines of
“It doesn’t have pickles on it.” So my mom goes
“Well which combo has pickles on it?”
The rude heifer taking our order says “Hold on.” And then the car directly behind us started honking. That annoyed me but at the same time I couldn’t blame the guy. The lady gets back on the intercom and starts telling us which combos have pickles. My mom listens to all and then she says. “No, I don’t want any of those. Just add Pickles to the order that I already placed.”
I was too through at this point!
The lady starts repeating our order only to have my mom interject with more changes to her combo that is not even a combo anymore; it’s now some personalized monstrosity that includes some of everything on the menu, with extra freaking pickles! …We drive up to the first window. Now keep in mind that this is the window where you’re supposed to pay; you pick up your food at the second window. My mom decides that she wants something else though when we’re at the first window. She wants an apple pie. The pie throws off our total. The lady had to reconfigure and of course tell us to “hold on” yet again. Our total came to $12.82. As I was handing the lady a $20 bill my mom stops me and says “Wait Treasure, I have the 82 cents.”
I really don’t care about giving or getting back exact change at this point. I just want my damn # 7; but my mom insists. It took her exactly 49 seconds to locate the loose change in the bottom of her purse. How do I know it took 49 seconds? Because I counted each scrutinizing second under my breath as I shook my head in utter frustration.
At the second window they gave us our food…I pulled off…Mom looks in the bag
“They didn’t give us enough napkins Treasure.” She exclaimed. “Turn around so I can go in and grab some more.”
I’m thinking “You gotta’ be kidding me.” I said “No, we’ll work it out mom; don’t trip on the napkins. We got to a red light and I asked her to give me some fries. She said
“Oh they must have messed your order up. There’s only one carton of fries in here and those are mine.” Woe is me. All I wanted was a #7.
I love my mom. I feel like I should type that right off the bat because of the nature of this blog entry and the height of my annoyance with her when I think about this topic may contort my language and emotions, causing you to think otherwise. Now, with that disclaimer out of the way let me tell you what happened…
I was out in LA. It was a beautiful afternoon. I was driving. My mom and I were coming from church….Okay I have to interrupt myself to insert this: You know that a person or situation has tested you and worked your last nerve when you’re so mad that you’re cursing like a sailor and pissed off to the highest point of ‘pissedivity’, if there is such a thing, after having left church no more than 20 minutes prior!.. Anyway back to what happened. Like I was saying we had just left church and I was feeling great. We were both crazy hungry though because, the church we attend seems like the service starts at 10am on Sunday morning and doesn’t let out until 2 o’clock the following Tuesday! Especially when the old folks choir is singing (which they were) because they make a simple hymn stretch like a tiny rubber band on a fat person’s wrist; and the pastor (bless his heart) can get really animated to say the least. But it’s a predominately Black church; so that’s just how it is and how it has always been. I’m not hating…I’m just saying. Lol…The things that I love about Sunday service at a Black church are also the things that get on my nerves about it some of the time. I wouldn’t trade the experience though…Anyway I’ve gotten off subject, let me get back…So me and my mom were hungry, but we had already started driving. We were on the 405 freeway… I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with this interstate, but bumper to bumper traffic on this particular slab of concrete is a given. The worst part about it is that I, for the life of me can’t figure out why other drivers speed up only to get in front of me and drive two miles per hour. I also hate the jerks who refuse to let me over when all I’m trying to do is get off the damn freeway; it’s like they want me to be stuck in the madness with them. They’re so hell-bent on not letting anyone get in front of them, even tough they're not going anywhere because traffic has been and will continue to move at a snail's pace, that they end up pissing me off enough not to let the next poor driver over. It's a vicious circle and I'm seriously starting to believe that the government hires these bad drivers just to make me mad or late or both; depending on the situation… Anyway we decided to get off the freeway and go to a drive through so that we could get something to eat and get back to the house quickly; fine that’s simple enough, right? WRONG! Because
my mom has no respect for combos! I mean the good people at McDonald’s created the numerically labeled combos for our convenience, not so that we could dissect them until they no longer resemble the original meal!!!
So we’re at the drive through…it took us forever to finally get to the intercom. There were about 5 cars ahead of us; probably being held up by some other indecisive patron who doesn’t respect combos….When we FINALLY got our turn, the employee says “Hold on!” Straight like that. No “Hi, welcome to McDonalds; can you please hold on a moment.” The heifer just said “Hold on.” And then when she was ready she says: “What you want?” RUDE!!! But anyway…
I said “I’d like a # 7 with a sprite please.” And then I looked over to my mom, asked her what she wanted and she goes “I don’t know yet.” She then proceeded to study the menu. At that point I was like “Oh my God am I being punked?!” I mean there are 2 huge reasons why my mom should have already known what she wanted to order.
#1: It’s freaking McDonalds! Everyone in the free world pretty much knows the menu by heart. It hasn’t changed much in 20 some odd years… Everything on the menu pretty much tastes the same anyway so in hindsight it doesn’t even matter what you order.
#2: There was a long line of cars ahead of us. She had ample time to decide what she wanted before we pulled up.
After a 2 minute time lapse my mom said that she wanted a #5 Sounds simple, right? WRONG! Because she proceeded to make absurd changes to the combo. This is what she said:
“Give me a #5 but can you put it on the bread that the #7 is on? And I want the mayonnaise on the side; no lettuce…Wait I do want lettuce but only a little bit and extra pickles.” Then the employee says something along the lines of
“It doesn’t have pickles on it.” So my mom goes
“Well which combo has pickles on it?”
The rude heifer taking our order says “Hold on.” And then the car directly behind us started honking. That annoyed me but at the same time I couldn’t blame the guy. The lady gets back on the intercom and starts telling us which combos have pickles. My mom listens to all and then she says. “No, I don’t want any of those. Just add Pickles to the order that I already placed.”
I was too through at this point!
The lady starts repeating our order only to have my mom interject with more changes to her combo that is not even a combo anymore; it’s now some personalized monstrosity that includes some of everything on the menu, with extra freaking pickles! …We drive up to the first window. Now keep in mind that this is the window where you’re supposed to pay; you pick up your food at the second window. My mom decides that she wants something else though when we’re at the first window. She wants an apple pie. The pie throws off our total. The lady had to reconfigure and of course tell us to “hold on” yet again. Our total came to $12.82. As I was handing the lady a $20 bill my mom stops me and says “Wait Treasure, I have the 82 cents.”
I really don’t care about giving or getting back exact change at this point. I just want my damn # 7; but my mom insists. It took her exactly 49 seconds to locate the loose change in the bottom of her purse. How do I know it took 49 seconds? Because I counted each scrutinizing second under my breath as I shook my head in utter frustration.
At the second window they gave us our food…I pulled off…Mom looks in the bag
“They didn’t give us enough napkins Treasure.” She exclaimed. “Turn around so I can go in and grab some more.”
I’m thinking “You gotta’ be kidding me.” I said “No, we’ll work it out mom; don’t trip on the napkins. We got to a red light and I asked her to give me some fries. She said
“Oh they must have messed your order up. There’s only one carton of fries in here and those are mine.” Woe is me. All I wanted was a #7.
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